More of the story...

ok post #2 - - - day after post #1 - - -

More of why I am blogging.

By nature, I am an extroverted person who tends to, as many friends and family have pointed out over the years, "think too much". Since this shows no signs of changing, I figured may as well share my thoughts with whoever will listen or, in this case, read.

Still there? Cool.

Oh, and there's one more detail about my life that merits sharing. For the past 14 months I have been - - - deep breath - - - just say it - - UNEMPLOYED. Like so many others in our fair country, I thought I had it made in the shade. A part-time, interesting, relatively-well-paid job with a huge company. Flexible hours, occasional travel, it was really a great gig for anyone, especially someone with small children. Nanny came every day, I could still breastfeed, check on the baby, have lunch with a friend, and be paid to pretty much know what was happening in the world. Then it happened - - the first inkling I had was a short conversation with a senior manager I knew well. "I wish I had beter news". WHAT!?!? It took a few months for them to really tell me but my awesome gig was coming to an end. There I was, 8 months pregnant, Christmas around the corner, the economy in a slump like nobody has seen for a long time and I have no more job. No more feeling like I can do it all. I had always been top of the class, honors, scholarships, grants, never really criticized at work, it was just over.

This past weekend I watched the movie 'up in the air' with George Clooney. I thought, wow, when this happened to me they didn't even have the courtesy of a video conference firing. Just phone. Imagine.

Well, let's fast-forward 14 months to today April 13th, 2010.

When I reflect on the last 14 months I hear myself saying what I have heard others in my situation say - "I can't believe it's been over a year. I can't believe I'm not working still." It's true. Oh, I look for work. I go on linkedin, I sent emails to all my former colleagues to "keep me in mind", etc. We consider relocating to the D.C. area - there's interesting work there both for me in international affairs and for my brilliant scientist husband. But the reality is that now we are here, in Florida. We moved from Barcelona to be close to my family. We have 3 children now and we are near family which is nice. And we owe a lot more on our home than it is worth. So here we are for now.

I have enjoyed the time with the kids this past year of course but also had moments of impatience and extreme frustration. With no income from me there is no housekeeper, no preschool, no fancy fun mommy-and-me classes, no summer camp, few-and-far-between lunches out. I feel guilty for wanting to work. Feel surrounded by moms in the suburbs who seem fulfilled just by mommying and for me it's not enough.

One thing I have done is "delved into food". I've always been into cooking, eating, etc but I have realized that when I am cooking or planning the food for the next few days I get in a zone and feel centered.

When I think outside the box about employment, I wonder if I could make a living with something related to food. Restauranteur? Personal chef? Cookbook author? Local or national politician making a difference? My mom seems to think I could make a career out of food but she's my mom (thanks mom). I would need a lot more than that to make it a reality. I guess this blog is a baby step on this, the day my daughter took her first real little baby steps.

Hopefully I will find work soon and hopefully I will still find time to blog.

So --- a little window into my soul and life and why I am blogging.